2006 Year in Review

what up my people...time has once again come for the Rietveld Top 5s of the Year...It has been an interesting year...I have moved from a virtual paradise (Hilton Head Island) to Lexington, SC which is home to August Kreis and the Arian Nation...yes, the Arian Nation somehow still exist...i have already had a set of parents and their lawyer try to fire me for my "liberal" teaching of human rights, civil rights and gay marriage...this will be my last year teaching so it could be an interesting last semester with the white folk of Lexington...anyway, hope all is well and now as my man Casey Kasem says on with the countdown...

Top 5 People I Would Like to Punch in the Face: New category. This is a category the All Stars have been doing for years and I figured I would go ahead and share mine with you guys this year.

5. Blue Tooth People: Hey buddy, its 11:30pm on a Sunday night and we are in the produce section of Super Wal-Mart...I am pretty sure you aren't trading junk bonds at this hour...we get it, you pawned off your 16V drill and skipped this month's alimony payment and now you have a Star Trek computer chip infecting your ear...Congratulations, you are a bad ass...

4. American Idol Followers: Seriously guys, figure it out...it is karaoke with bright shiny lights, no talent ass clowns and when we are lucky, a cameo from barry manilow...Quite possibly the worst show to ever make more than one season on major network tv, yet the cult like following only gets bigger and bigger each year...Even worse, you nerds always want to tell me how great "last night's episode" was and how talented the "idols" are...After i slap you in the face and walk away, you then ask me to go to the "American Idol" tour coming next month...i need new friends...

3. Rush Limbaugh: The fat fuck is at it again...the perverted drug addict comes out and starts mocking and making fun of my man michael j. fox and his parkinsons disease...are you serious...between American Idol, Rush Followers, and Registered Republican Voters, we are in a heap of trouble in this country...Nobody makes fun of Alex P. Keaton and gets away with it...you got one coming Rush...I have been working out...ever heard of a thing called Jujitsu?

2. George W. Bush: Do I need to say anything here? Yeah, he has gone through some crazy stuff in 6 years and some of it not his fault...but Iraq was his own doing and we are all paying for that now...hopefully a decent candidate will come from one party or the other soon...maybe mccain, obama, keith oberman...i dont know...

1. South Carolina Voters: Its funny, the only country that gets to ignore the UDHR (Universal Declaration of Human Rights) is the United States...Here in South Carolina, the voters came out in hordes to add an even stronger amendment to the state constitution to further reinforce the ban on gay marriage...Listen america, gay or straight, the government should never have the right to tell you who you can or cannot fucking marry...Maybe you don't agree with it religiously or morally, fine, but thats not what this country is all about..Don't let homosexuals get married in your local methodist church..fine...but to deny them the right of marriage makes absolutely no sense and is 100% unconstitutional and against the UN's UDHR.
Now on to less serious stuff...

Top 5 TV Shows: After an amazing year of TV last year, some of my Top 5s from last year took a nose dive in writing, acting, storylines, etc...For example, Nip/Tuck, which i was ridiculously addicted to last year is completely off my list and I may never watch another episode due to dream sequence after dream sequence and sexual escapades with midgets. I wonder what it would be like to bang a midget? Anyway, 24....yes, 24 is off my list...the once unbeatable show just didn't do it for me this past year, maybe the new season coming will get me erect once again...

Honorable Mention - High Stakes Poker: I know, pathetic...but I love this show...how often do you see guys gambling and talking smack to one another while throwing $400,000 down on a Ace/Eight off-suit...great show. Bones - pretty solid show...I love that Dr. Brennan, and What About Brian - about a guy who always comes in second...Yeah, kind of like that Brian you know...Lastly, How I Met Your Mom...Usually pretty funny and surprisingly they always throw some Nada Surf tracks in the background for Jared and me.

5. Grey's Anatomy: Though it hasn't been as solid this past year, its still a pretty strong show week in and week out...Another good soundtrack show...

4. 30 Rock: Best new comedy of the year...love me some Tina Fey and Tracey Morgan is one funny black man...good show

3. Entourage: Still strong...Plus my man "E" was nailing Nikki Hilton in real life...High-five E!

2. Heros: Hands down the best new show of the year...I am addicted and I am pissed I have to wait another week before I know what happens to my little cheerleader...

1. The Office: To all you haters of the Office out there, I have to question not only your sense of humor but also your intelligence...This is the funniest show since Seinfeld...I really don't know where my life would be without this show.

Albums of the Year: Generally this is very simply, but this past year wasn't as fruitful as year's past. Honorable Mention: The Decemberists - "The Crane Wife", Snow Patrol - "Eyes Open"

5. Ben Harper - "Both Sides of the Gun" - my hero is back with a decent double disc release. Side one is jammy and upbeat, while side two is like the acoustic side of the live release of 2001. Nothing like depressing Ben Harper. The show in Charlotte, NC (2000) is still the best live show I have ever seen.

4. Pete Yorn -"Nightcrawler" - Somehow this album slipped past me until this past week. The lady-killer simply known as Pete croons away and makes little girls and myself dream of Pete singing us to sleep.

3. Beck - "The Information" - Does Beck ever fuck up? Well, I still don't know what that "Midnite Vultures" was all about from a few years ago was but other than that he is the coolest musician out there... Mutations and Sea of Changes are still two of my go-to albums...Solid new album.

2 (tie). New Amsterdams - "Story like a Scar" - The side project, now the only project, of former Get Up Kids frontman Matt Pryor is another strong album...Melodic and depressing...that my friend is a deadly combination. The Strokes - "First Impressions of Earth" - The critics didn't really love it, but I did...

1. The Shins - "Wincing the Night Away" - Okay so this album hasn't even come out yet, but my man Jared gave a bj to a Shins groupie to get an advanced copy and it is unbelievably good...not quite as happy go lucky as "Chutes too Narrow" but damned if its not as catchy...you will be singing along by the end of the first spin...

Top 5 Singles (Radio Songs)
Again, not a great year in music but here are my top 5 songs you could hear on the radio on your way to work in the morning. Honorable Mention: Ben Harper - "Waiting for You", Snow Patrol - "Chasing Cars", Death Cab for Cutie - "I will Follow You into the Dark", TVontheRadio - Wolf Like Me

5. Gnarls Barkley - "Crazy" - Sorry I can't help but to like this stupid frat song

4. OK GO - "Here it Goes Again" - My happy go lucky song of the year

3. Beck - "Think I'm in Love" - I know what you mean Beck...I know what you mean...

2. The Strokes - "Razorblade" - Best song on a great album.

1. The Shins - "Phantom Limb" - So damn good. Do yourself a favor and download it now.

This year I refuse to do a Top 5 of Movies of 2006 because they were so damn bad (excluding V for Vendetta and Thank you for Smoking)...Instead, I am going to list my Current Top 5 Movies of All Time.

Top 5 Movies of All Time (I reserve the right to change this list tomorrow or the next)
5 tie. Momento/Star Wars/Big Trouble in Little China/Pulp Fiction/Usual Suspects

4. The Goonies - If this is not in your top 5 then you are not American.

3. Donnie Darko - It surprises me that I have this movie this high...What can I say I love teenage angst and a solid soundtrack. Plus that Jake Gyllenhaal is dreamy.

2. Garden State - Damn that Zach Braff...Replace him with just about any other Hebrew and this movie is unstoppable...The older and more confused I get and the more I watch this flick the better it becomes...Good writing Braff.

1. Fletch - Hands down the best movie ever made...Okay, maybe not but it is my favorite movie ever made...Where would I be without the direction and tutelage of Chevy Chase?

Well 2006 was a pretty eventful year for me. I finally got to see the Strokes live in Charleston, I moved to Columbia for some reason, I became a Born-Again Virgin, and I grew a killer Rat-tail that the ladies love to play with and braid (and when I say ladies I mean my Mom)...I hope all is well across the country. Take care and hope to talk to every one soon.
-Rietveld